It’s me again! I have been thinking about writing on this subject for a week or two now but what really solidified the decision was having it come up as a topic of conversation with some friends. That short time divulging our feelings on this topic showed me just how much so many of us struggle with this concept, including myself.
For years, I grappled with the idea of taking time for myself when I needed it and would mentally scold myself when I did. It was at a time when I was enrolled in a program that was, for me demanding to the point where I felt so pressed for time that in my mind, the only way to get everything done was to cut my needs and wants out of the equation. Fast forward a few years later and following what I would label as one of the most trying times of my life, I was able to clearly see one of the reasons I was always in a power struggle with myself…by brain, in spite of exhaustion saying “no, forge ahead you well-oiled robot, the fate of your entire career hangs in the balance!” and my heart saying “geez honey, take a break, you’re saturated anyway!”. Kindly oblige me a minor detour for context… you see, I was fortunate enough to grow up with parents that nurtured my talents and always encouraged me to find my strengths and because of that I was always involved in some extra-curricular activity, whether it be sports, music, art or the like. So, when my lack of wisdom led me to exclude myself from my daily routine, I was basically thrown off-balance.
Western society has taught us that if we are not constantly and consistently busy to the point where our schedules look like one of those maps with red marked sharpie lines used to solve a crime, then we must be doing something wrong. Our lives must be in shambles, struggling to fit in time with friends, a family dinner or even a run to the grocery (because, you know…who needs food to survive, right?) to be successful people. In my experience, I have found that this could not be more wrong. Let me take this opportunity to drop a bit of knowledge on you (wink wink). In psychology there’s this pretty cool guy by the name of Maslow and he came up with a hierarchy of needs which he felt must be attained in order for one to not just feel fulfilled but to also find meaning in life. The hierarchy represents five needs arranged from lowest to highest, as follows:
- Physiological needs: These include needs that keep us alive, such as food, water, shelter, warmth, and sleep.
- Safety needs: The need to feel secure, stable, and unafraid.
- Love and belongingness needs: The need to belong socially by developing relationships with friends and family.
- Esteem needs: The need to feel both (a) self-esteem based on one’s achievements and abilities and (b) recognition and respect from others.
- Self-actualization needs: The need to pursue and fulfill one’s unique potentials.
There are a number of different factors that Maslow considers in his theory that is beyond the scope of this article, but in essence the reason I used Masolow’s hierarchy of needs is to show you that often times we fixate on particular aspects of our lives and neglect others when in reality it is a fulfilment of many various needs and desires that truly help us to become everything that we are capable of becoming.
Sacrifice is a key ingredient in achieving our goals and makes attainment that much sweeter. I am in no way saying that hard work, grit and as my dad would say “toiling in the salt mines” are not necessary, but you must be sure to include some of the other things you enjoy that you do not label as ‘work’ into your day, even if for just ten minutes. It could be as simple as sitting and doing nothing for a bit, exercising, meditating/praying or listening to that new Drake album :-D.
Furthermore, surround yourself with people who encourage you to be your best self but remember that in order to achieve self-actualization, you must first take the time to get to know yourself…feel your emotions, accept your weaknesses and strengths and get a bird’s eye view of your life. Only then can you begin to make the necessary changes in all aspects of your life and continue becoming all that you want to be. Taking a time-out during the day – at which ever point you see fit – refills your battery and feeds and nourishes your soul.
There’s a close friend of mine who always encourages me to get enough sleep…don’t skimp on it…take as much as you need to feel energized but not so much that you neglect important commitments. It may seem so cliché but it has helped me so much, because I no longer wake up depending solely on coffee (only maybe a little lol) to get me through the day and I don’t start nodding off until at least much later on in the evening :-P!
I know there are people out there who are reading this and must think they absolutely do not have a second to spare but always remember that the choice is yours and as such you can always choose what takes precedence in your life…yes, getting the kids to school is important, ensuring your deadlines at work and school are met is important, juggling work while having to care for an ailing family member is important, but so is ensuring you do not drive yourself to your breaking point and lose your sanity. I encourage you, no…I implore you to find balance in your life and never feel badly for sometimes choosing yourself and your own wellbeing!
Stix & Stones 
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